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Month: March 2009

Keep writing to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Posted on March 30, 2009

A St. Louis reader just posted that the PD has changed their feedback address. So if you want to ask them to return Candorville to the comics page, you should write to [email protected] and/or call 314-340-8222″!

They had to drop four comics so they could physically shrink the paper (bad economy), and Candorville was one of them. Usually when a paper drops Candorville, reader response brings it back. So if you want to see Candorville returned to your paper, you’ve got to let them know right now.

“Personal Attacks” Are So Very Entertaining

Posted on March 27, 2009

A reader just sent me this, in response to this week’s strips on Michael Steele’s “hip hop” makeover of the Republican National Committee. I post this because, of all the e-mails readers have sent about this week’s strips, this was the ONLY one that took issue with it. But I’m sure this reader isn’t the only one who felt that way, so to answer anyone else who shares his opinion, I thought I’d post both this reader’s e-mail and my response to him:

Mr. Bell,
You have an impressive ability to analyze life and point out the irony and humor therein, such as you did in the strip about credit limit and APR. However, when you use your strip as a soapbox to express your political views with personal attacks, the result is not clever, entertaining, or funny. I assume that you’re not interested in my political views and I’m not interested in yours.

You can do better. There are plenty of ox’s to be goared on both sides of the political aisle and you will gain a broader audience.
[Name Witheld],
Woodbridge, VA

…and my response…

“Mr. [Name Witheld],

I appreciate the compliment. I have to ask, though, are you a new Candorville reader? Your “both sides of the aisle” comment leads me to believe you may be. Just a few weeks ago, Candorville lampooned the Obama administration for an entire week, depicting the press secretary as a burning bush dispensing wisdom from on high. Months ago, during the primaries, it went after Hillary Clinton, depicting her as the last survivor of a doomed alien planet who came to earth with the power to become whomever she happens to be speaking to at the time.

I am interested in other people’s political views, and my strip is intended for people who enjoy politics and social commentary. If reaching a broader audience were my goal, I’d have created a strip about a talking cat or dog. Everyone loves talking cats and dogs. But I created Candorville as a vehicle to comment honestly about my view of the world, the people in it, and the individuals who run it. That’s what Candorville is. Candorville has never spared politicians, and there’s no way to lampoon politicians without someone considering it a personal attack. I disagree with you on that, by the way. To me, a personal attack would be, for instance, to go after Al Franken’s or Rush Limbaugh’s past drug use when that has nothing to do with the rest of us. Commentary on the actions, policies, and aspects of politicians’ personalities that DO affect us is not a personal attack, it’s fair game. Incidentally, the politicians themselves seem to agree with me. Often, when I give one of them the Michael Steele treatment, someone from their offices contacts me to ask for original artwork or frame-ready prints. That happened again just yesterday. I have to believe these people wouldn’t be hanging personal attacks on the walls of their offices. I know I wouldn’t.

And I have to take the “not clever, entertaining, or funny” part with a grain of salt. Over my 14 years as a cartoonist and an accompanying 14 years of reading fan-mail and hate-mail, I’ve learned one thing in particular: people rarely think satire is clever, entertaining or funny when they disagree with it. When they do agree, they often think it’s brilliant.

You might be interested to know I received my share of negative mail from people who work at banks. These people felt last Sunday’s credit limit/APR strip was hitting below the belt. They felt it was a highly personal attack. I’m fascinated by how some of the responses are practically *mirror images* of your e-mail, as if they were written by you in a parallel universe. Here’s a clip from one of those e-mails. I hope you find it as interesting as I do:

“Dear Mr. Bell,

I generally enjoy Candorville. I think you’ve got a great eye for hypocrisy in our leaders and a great talent for deflating our politicians’ egos. I’m getting a big kick out of this week’s Michael Steele series, and I loved what you did with John Edwards. But with all due respect, these personal attacks against the institutions that make our democracy possible (namely, banks) have got to stop. It’s unseemly, undignified, unfunny, and more than a little childish. It’s kindergarten name-calling, and if you’re looking to turn off your readers who believe in the capitalist system (i.e. most of America), you’re well on your way to doing just that.

I don’t call you up at home and tell you that I think cartoonists are evil and trying to wreck the country, so I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t show up on my doorstep every morning telling me that I’M responsible for other people’s reckless borrowing habits.

Keep up the good work (and when it’s good, it’s really good), and cut out the bad, if you want to keep me and the millions of other ‘capitalist pig’ Americans as readers.

Sincerely,
[name witheld]
Direct Merchants Bank”

I think you can see, from all this, why I appreciate comments such as yours, but why I can’t let them influence what I do in my strip. Candorville is what it is. I can’t please everyone, and in fact, no matter WHAT I do (even inoccuous comics about aging), people tell me I’ve offended them. So the only way I know to do my job is to have my own standards, hold myself to my own standards, and write comics that I enjoy writing. If other people enjoy them, great. If not, well… that’s why there’s more than one comic strip on the comics page. There are a lot of other offerings on the comics page that would be more to their liking, and I encourage them to seek out those comics.

Thanks for reading Candorville, Mr. [Name Witheld], and especially for taking the time to write.

Michael Steele is a human lie diagram

Posted on March 26, 2009

We instinctively know when someone’s lying to us. That’s why, when you tell your significant other “no, I don’t think you’ve ballooned up, that button that just popped off your pants must’ve been defective,” they squint a little and stare into your eyes. They aren’t conscious of what they’re doing, but part of their brain is measuring your eye movements. At that moment, they’ve become a human lie detector. It’s part of the whole “survival of the fittest” thing. We’re all descended from the people who lived until they were fertile because they didn’t fall prey to liars. It probably began when every caveman who fell for the “no, there’s no sabre tooth bison charging at you” practical joke died off.

There’s a helpful diagram online. If you visit that page and go to the “Up and to the left” section, and then look at 0:47 of this Youtube clip, you’ll notice Michael Steele is auditioning for the diagram’s live action adaptation:

The lesson, of course, is every time your S.O. asks if he/she’s porked up a little — or every time you go on national TV and pretend your cowardly capitulation to Rush Limbaugh was part of some chessmaster-like strategy — put on sunglasses before you answer. They’ll never know you’re hiding anything.

St. Louis readers, write to the P-D now

Posted on March 19, 2009

The newspaper bloodletting continues. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch is, like most papers, physically shrinking in order to save money on newsprint and ink. To do so, they had to cut four comics, and one of them is Candorville. Starting Monday, you won’t see Candorville on the P-D’s comics page.

If you want them to return Candorville to the comics page, you’ve got to write to them or call them and let them know. When a paper cuts Candorville, reader feedback almost always restores it to the paper. If you want to write, send an e-mail to [email protected]. Phone calls often work even better. If you’re the phone type, you can call 314-340-8222.

Make yourself heard, and politely let them know what you want. In times like this, papers want to keep their readers happy.

Long Attention Span Theater

Posted on March 12, 2009

Every once in a while I feel like putting together an extra-long story. It’s fun to do, and for people who like long storylines, it’s fun to read. But there are some people – and you know who you are – who have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to comic strips. Some people like a quick, self contained joke, and even if every strip in a long series has its own self-contained punchline, if there’s even a hint that it’s part of an ongoing storyline, some people get itchy, they get a nagging urge to pull their hair out at the root, and they feel like a little kid is holding his finger a centimeter from their ears saying “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you…” I’m a Babylon 5 fan. I’m a Farscape fan. I love long, ongoing stories. I don’t get you people at all, but I do grudgingly acknowledge your existence.

Today, I counted the responses to the vampire story arc and – using my way-too-rusty math skills – about .05% of you fit the above description. I never shorten my stories for the sake of the impatient, but the last thing I want to do is piss you off. So if you just can’t take it, you’d be better off waiting a week or two ’til it’s over. Then come back and read through the whole thing in one sitting, as if it’s a comic book. It won’t feel excruciating to you, and I guarantee you’ll enjoy it more.

For the 99.95% of you who tell me you can’t wait to see where this is going, read on…

I knew I shouldn’t have answered the phone

Posted on March 10, 2009

Actual transcript (as best I could remember it) of a phone call I took while hiking at Griffith Park this morning. Normally, since I was hiking I’d have let it go straight to voicemail, but I was waiting for an important phone call. And this wasn’t it:

DB (me): Hello?

PHONE: Hi, I’m calling from Disney’s El Capitan Theater to see if you received the mail we sent you!

DB: How did you get this number?

PHONE: Did you get our beautiful full color flyer announcing the Race to Witch Mountain?

DB: Which mountain is that?

PHONE: (silence)

DB: I can’t help you if you don’t tell me which mountain.

PHONE: The Race to Witch Mountain.

DB: I don’t know, you’re the one who called me, you tell me which mountain.

PHONE: No, the movie. Race to Witch Mountain.

DB: Who’s on second?

PHONE: Um… It’s only one movie, but I can tell you about future shows if you’d like. Did you receive our mailing about the movie which is called “Race to Witch Mountain”?

DB: Who is this?

PHONE: (silence)

DB: Hello?

PHONE: Can… Do you have a son or daughter or grandson around I can talk to, sir?

DB: They’re dead. Zoo accident. Feathers… screaming… I don’t like to talk about it.

PHONE: I’m sorry, sir.

DB: (silence)

PHONE: So, I was asking, did you receive our beautiful full color brochure about El Capitan’s “Race to Witch Mountain”?

DB: Yes, I got your brochure, and I’m very glad you called because I have some questions that I think only you could answer.

PHONE: I’d be very happy to, sir!

DB: My question is a three part question, really.

PHONE: Go right ahead!

DB: Where do you guys get your hot dogs, because they’re the best hot dogs I’ve ever had in my whole life. Also, are you seriously calling me to ask whether I got the junk mail you sent me? When did THAT start? And lastly, how did you get this number?

PHONE: (silence)

DB: Y’know, because this is really weird. Here I am hiking in a beautiful park, and all of a sudden I get a phone call from someone asking if I got their junk mail. Doesn’t that seem a little weird to you? Please take me off your phone list. Please.

PHONE: Thank you, sir, and if you have any more questions about “Race to Witch Mountain” or you would like to order tickets, feel free to call the number in your brochure.

DB: Is there a number for hot dogs? I do really like those.

PHONE: (click)

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