The White Screen of Death

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The saying is wrong. Deaths happen in fives, not threes. First Ed McMahon, then Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson, then Billy Mays and his beard*, and finally, my iPhone. I picked up the phone about 1/2 hour ago and saw the white screen of death.

First came denial: Maybe I’d somehow booted up my “Flashlight” app. Or maybe it was the glare of the California sun. Maybe Al Qaida was jamming iPhones on Hollywood Boulevard and as soon as I turned the corner I would see my beloved home screen again.

Then came the anger: I paid $300 for this piece of shit just eight months ago! I was just minding my own business, walking home with my Hawaiian Barbecue. I didn’t hurt anybody! What business does it have crapping out on me in the middle of a busy street! Steve Jobs is going to pay for this! He’s going to paaaayyy!!!!!

Bargaining: I’m going to turn the phone off and wait ten seconds before rebooting it. If that works, I swear that after this meal, I will never eat meat again on a Tuesday evening from that particular barbecue place. For at least a week.

Then came depression: It’s no use. I can’t even turn it off. And now there are strange gray lines on the right side of the screen. Even Phaktor’s solution didn’t work. There’s nothing I can do. I’ll never save all my voice memos and that photo of a fire hydrant I took earlier today. They’re gone forever, like they never even existed in the first place. What’s the point of it all? There is no point. Because there is no phone.

Finally, acceptance: It’s no coincidence the phone died right now, just a week after the brand new video-capable iPhone 3Gs hit the streets. It’s a sign. I shall take it to the Apple Store, and if they tell me it cannot be fixed, as I know they shall, I will buy a new 32GB iPhone 3Gs. It’s the circle of life. Hakuna matata, old dead iPhone 3G. Hakuna matata.

*I’m posting this clip in tribute to my dear departed iPhone 3G:

***EDIT – And no, I’m not getting paid for posting this clip, I just find Billy Mays sticking his head in a box of kitty litter to be particularly funny.***


Discussion (17)¬

  1. Anji says:

    Maybe it's a secret conspiracy/marketing ploy so you HAVE to buy the new phones now? Would it rally be so out of character for Apple? I think not.

  2. Chris says:

    I suppose I'm a little bit serious. I say that because I didn't expect to see that someone COULD make money doing product placement in a blog.

    I watched the video, which of course I knew was an advertisement and I thought that you weren't endorsing the product, rather you were anthropomorphizing your iPhone ™ and equating his/her/its death to that of the recently deceased pitchman Billy Mays. The video ends with a title that says "www.whatodor.com" so I typed it in.

    I didn't expect to see a very specific link at the bottom of the product page that says "Blog About Us and Make Money"

    It made me think for a moment that perhaps your motivation for the inclusion of the video was more monetary than honorary.

    While I am a cynic, I decided that, rather than assume, I'd ask.

    Of course there is the snark factor which should never be discounted from any blog comment. After all, if I can't say something snide… (see Uthor)

    Oh I must say, after thinking all this through I begin to feel paranoid. Do I really have to wonder about those other product and corporate mentions in this post and the comments? AT&T, Starbucks, Palm?

    But no, I really don't think you're getting paid to post that video. I assume they would also want you to say something nice about the product as well. In general however, you should be aware that people even more cynical than I, might get the wrong idea. Especially because offershot.com WILL pay for blog mentions.

    • Chris says:

      I see you explain it all in Green Revolution Part 2 but your strip from July 22, 2007 should show you why I'm cynical.

      Also, I've just learned of your blog today in a mention from The Mac Observer.

      • Darrin Bell says:

        I understand completely. All I can say is Candorville runs in Stars & Stripes and yet it still spent years criticizing our unnecessary war in Iraq. And it's a newspaper strip that routinely lampoons the failings of newspapers. So that should tell you it's not afraid to bite whatever hand is feeding it.

        I'm curious to hear what Mac Observer had to say. If you'd post the URL when you get a chance I'd appreciate it.

        • Chris says:

          Interestingly enough, it is in an article about journalism. Not in the article, but in a comment. The user Geoduck posted a link to your strip from yesterday about twitter. The url to the article is: http://tinyurl.com/nnqj6d

          The link to your strip is in the 12th comment.

          I have to say, that it made me want to read more and I'm up to July 22, 2007. I'm enjoying reliving recent history through your strip. It is very good. I especially like the "what?" "what?" pieces. Very funny.

    • Darrin Bell says:

      No problem. I didn't bother to check out their website & didn't know about that link at the bottom of their homepage. They're not paying me. I just found Billy Mays sticking his head into a box full of cat urine to be particularly funny.

      That said, in case there's any misconception (because I do get questions about this from time to time): I'm a commercial artist, which means I'm paid for my work. I'm proud of that. It's how I pay the rent & the bills and support my wife while she's going through school. People commission artwork and they pay me. I don't ask where they got their money even though I'm sure some of them get it in ways I'd hate. Newspapers run my work and they pay me, and their money comes from advertisements placed by businesses. Websites, including the one I've built, pay me with money that comes from a mix of advertising, products I sell through the site (books, art prints, posters, reproduction rights, t-shirts, etc…) and direct sponsorship by readers. The artwork is purely a personal expression, but the website is a publication, just like newspapers and magazines. The website is a profit-making enterprise with two goals: The first goal is to bring you daily Candorville comics. The second goal is to support my family so that instead of having to get a job in some law firm or Wal-Mart, I can continue to create Candorville even if newspapers go under.

      I don't accept ads from anyone that I think screws over the public: Cigarettes, hardcore porn, Coke (which people have said funded death squads in Central America), etc… Off the top of my head, I can't think of any reason why I should include something like "What Odor" in that list. Not all businesses are bad. Most business aren't bad. Our society runs on business. But my ads run in spots on the site that are clearly reserved for ads. I don't sneak them into blog posts. If I ever include an ad in a blog post (which I haven't yet done), I would say it's an ad.

      But thanks for asking because I'm sure, as you said, other people would assume otherwise. I've added a note making it clear it's not a paid advertisement.

  3. Darrin Bell says:

    Before I answer that, I just want to know. Are you joking, or are you serious?

  4. Chris says:

    So, did you get paid to put up that video? You can. I went to whatodor.com and there is a link at the bottom of the page that says: "Blog About Us and Make Money".

    So you're helping out the man now?

  5. Rick S. says:

    Hi Darrin. Sorry to hear about your iPhone travails.

    Worse, sorry to hear about your lost data. Now will you set up a regular backup schedule?

    As for a replacement, I think you might be better off getting a Palm Pre or a BlackBerry Curve.

    The iPhone's multimedia capabilities are great, but you can get the same or better with an iPod, no? Unfortunately the iPhone's phone, internet and organizational functions are … not so good. Especially since you're locked in to using AT&T as a data provider.

    Good luck with your next gadget. 🙂

    • Darrin Bell says:

      Synced it with iTunes this morning after talking to Apple Care. The phone might be beyond repair, but they assure me that since iTunes said the sync was successful, my data was backed up to iTunes. If they have to give me a replacement, I can just restore the data from that backup. And since I switched to iPhone's built-in voice recorder after upgrading to OS3, it automatically loaded my voice memos into an iTunes playlist.

      I'm happy with the iPhone – I like not having to carry both a phone and an iPod & a lot of the apps are incredible. But if AT&T doesn't enable iPhone tethering by the time my contract's up, I might look elsewhere. I'm tired of carting my laptop to Starbucks every time my cable internet stops working.

  6. Uthor says:

    Whenever my phone freezes, I just pop the battery and….oh, iPhone. Nevermind.

  7. Silverain13 says:

    8 months? Even if it can’t be fixed, they’ll replace it for free. It should be warratied for a year on the basic plan.