Some men totally HIDE that part of their personality and appear, initially, to be charming, totally devoted to the woman, the most upstanding of social society. Mine had three piece suits, never smoked or swore, and guess what happened after marriage? He totally became a different person. Totally. I was told by my psych. that these kinds of controlling, abusive men PREY on innocent girls and feed into their dream ideals of good husband, etc. before the marriage. After, they feel they OWN the wife, and that's when the controlling becomes obnoxious to violent. At that point, some women do not have the resources or support to enable them to leave. They stay until they are either near dead from stress diseases or actually killed. Often, threats are made to the woman not to leave OR ELSE. Or else the children will be kidnapped and killed, or whatever. Fear is a big reason the women won't leave.
I know a woman in that position. She kept getting sick from various illnesses. Her husband prevented her from going to the hospital when she felt as if she was having a heart attack. Later, after the divorce, his new wife began to have the same illnesses and finally died. He said she was the one who refused to go to the hospital in time. Right. This guy will never be charged because nothing will ever be proven. Either the man had seriously bad luck with two women or else it was one of those crime stories a TV series would grab. They'd have to add a better ending, however. I don't know if your situation was that severe, but if so, it is good you lived through it to share your story with others.
By the way, some safe houses won't take a woman who has a teenage child unless she gives permission to separate the teen from her and send the child elsewhere.
Green card? Not a U.S. citizen?
It is perhaps telling that she lists her license as one of the things she has hidden in her duffel. How controlling is her husband, anyway?
Well it seems Sasha's sitch is a bit more serious than I first thought… o_O
I feel for her but I dunno… Lemont you be careful now.
The more I read Candorville, the more I respect Darrin's storytelling ability. He reminds me of Scheherazade, dolling out small tidbits while weaving a vastly larger tale. Maybe he should title his next book, "1001 Candorville Nights."
Darrin, I think your work is underappreciated.
Wait, "green card"? Abusive husband? Running away?
This has warning signs all over it. Lemont is right to look worried.
Interesting plot twist.
@John-The husband must be seriously controlling if Sasha doesn't even carry her license & green card with her, instead of keeping them in a duffel bag in the closet. She'd need them if she were out on her own, for driving, banking & working.
If I may also join those here, talking as if Sasha & Webster weren't fictional characters? She [or, more important, real women in her position] needs to be sure that the duffel bag is VERY well hidden! My ex once found the business card of a domestic abuse shelter's hotline [& he found it in the trash, after I'd cleaned out my wallet & purse, which shows how controlling & paranoid he really was.] He flew into one of his frequent, violent, uncontrollable rages, demanding to know why I would ever have such a thing [while refusing ever to calm down enough to listen to me or to accept a word I said.] If he'd only been more self-aware, he'd realize his rage was providing his own answer. After all, it didn't even occurred to him that maybe, my throwing it away meant I'd been lulled into thinking I did NOT need it? Ironically, I'd actually received the card, among other materials, at a seminar that Legal Aid & the shelter had given at my office to provide info on advising our clients!
Are you still married to him?
No, that's why I called him "my ex."
OOPS. Didn't quite read every word. Sorry. I must have been tired. I didn't sleep at all last night. Sore throat.
'sall right. I actually wrote aanother whole long stemwinder about it all, but then deleted it all but the first sentence, which now comes off as somewhat curt. I was getting into TMI & figured enough already. Feel better. I'm a chronic insomniac, and didn't sleep at all either…9/11 special– should not have watched it… Led to overcompensating w/ lighter fare on line.
I switch between Candorville blogging, Chabad.Org blogging, and Scrabble against Robots online. All night long.
Or, as in the case of my wife's HS friend, who had serial affairs, disappeared for days at a time, including waking up naked in an unknown van, ran up $40K in debt, and then divorced her husband claiming he was abusive when he tried to reign her in. She took her next sucker for a condo and eventually ended up in jail for embezzling from her employer and she called us in the middle of the night begging us to wire her $200 in two hours. Of course, NONE of this was her fault.
It's never the woman's fault….
I hear you, Mellaril. Although women are more vocal about abuse from husbands, very often men are too embarrassed to admit to being harassed, abused, harmed, or cheated on by their wives. In fact, one woman did cut off her husband's penis, remember the news? Nope, two were on the news doing that. In any case, the perpetrator of abuse very often does have a dual personality. On the one hand, the perp shows an angelic face and exterior. It is only after you get to know them that you begin to suspect there is more than meets the eye. Sometimes, both women AND men are totally shocked and taken by surprise when they discover this "other side" of a spouse. So, you are correct. Women also do this to men. It's just not as well publicized.
There are many emotionally and mentally ill people out there. Many are in dysfunctional and dangerous relationships, both men and women being either a victim or perpetrator. The problem with society is that men often are too embarrassed to admit being taken in by a woman. For sure, they don't want to often admit being physically abused by a woman. Did you know that men have been victims of rape, also, but just don't report it? So, it may SEEM that only women get abused, but that's not true. Our society needs a great deal of media help in encouraging men to report being victims of these crimes.
One sad thing (among many), is that shelters are massively underfunded and too few and far between. They unfortunately have waiting lists and often have to turn people away.
I know … my wife works for one. http://wingsprogram.com/
I checked out your site, Suburban. BIG applause for this mission and best of luck to you on your upcoming event. I notice there is a hotline given. I hope all of Darrin's readers check this out in case they ever need to call for advice.
I guess she was not lying, and wants to crash with Lamont till she can get back on her fet
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