When I’m deluged with hate-mail (usually about a cartoon dealing with either immigration or homosexuality), a lot of it seems to come from people who’ve either misinterpreted the strip, or haven’t even read it. Sometimes this is the result of organized protests: someone with an agenda manages to stir up a bunch of other ummm… I’ll just say “easily influenced” people. Other times, people just want to vent their outrage, and it doesn’t matter if it’s not even tangentially related to what the cartoon in question is actually saying. An irrational person can always manage to convince himself that a cartoon says what it doesn’t say, and signifies what it doesn’t mean. This disorder is so widespread among the human population that it even has a clinical name: “Counterfactual Reinforcing Associational Psychosis.“

CRAP is a disorder that isn’t just relegated to the comics page, either. For instance, an outbreak of CRAP is almost certainly behind the latest hysteria regarding illegal immigrants: the uproar over the new Spanish version of the American National Anthem. Our wise and allegedly-sober President has weighed in on the topic, condemning those who would dare to sing the anthem in another language. But more disturbing has been the tone of outraged callers to talk shows around the nation, who, after wiping the foam from their mouths, bemoan the “anti-Americanism” of these “America-hating” “America-haters.”

I’m willing to bet a whole case of A&W root beer that not one of these callers – nor the President himself – has bothered to listen to the lyrics of this despicable anti-American anthem. Here they are, in Spanish and in their English translation:

Lyrics to ‘Nuestro Himno’ (‘Our Anthem’)
Amanece, lo veis?, a la luz de la aurora?
lo que tanto aclamamos la noche caer?
sus estrellas sus franjas
flotaban ayer
en el fiero combate
en señal de victoria,
fulgor de lucha, al paso de la libertada.
Por la noche decían:
“Se va defendiendo!”
Oh decid! Despliega aún
Voz a su hermosura estrellada,
sobre tierra de libres,
la bandera sagrada?
Sus estrellas, sus franjas,
la libertad, somos iguales.
Somos hermanos, en nuestro himno.
En el fiero combate en señal de victoria,
Fulgor de lucha, al paso de la libertada.
Mi gente sigue luchando.
Ya es tiempo de romper las cadenas.
Por la noche decían: “!Se va defendiendo!”
Oh decid! Despliega aún su hermosura estrellada
sobre tierra de libres,
la bandera sagrada?

English translation:
By the light of the dawn, do you see arising,
what we proudly hailed at twilight’s last fall?
Its stars, its stripes
yesterday streamed
above fierce combat
a gleaming emblem of victory
and the struggle toward liberty.
Throughout the night, they proclaimed:
“We will defend it!”
Tell me! Does its starry beauty still wave
above the land of the free,
the sacred flag?
Its stars, its stripes,
liberty, we are the same.
We are brothers in our anthem.
In fierce combat, a gleaming emblem of victory
and the struggle toward liberty.
My people fight on.
The time has come to break the chains.
Throughout the night they proclaimed, “We will defend it!”
Tell me! Does its starry beauty still wave
above the land of the free,
the sacred flag?

…Oh yeah, somebody lock up these anti-American scoundrels before they can carry out their wicked plans, whatever they may be.